FROM HELEN: Margaret, I seem to be all over the map these days. Presidential politics, Texas politics, the immigration debate… But if I am going to be so stressed about politics, I need to balance things as I have always done…with food. And I know what people reading this are saying already: How unhealthy.
Really? That’s what you say to someone well into her eighth decade? I’d say I’ve beaten those odds. And you all should see how much pie Margaret eats… and she’s thinner than a silver dollar. She looks like a zipper when she sticks out her tongue. Plus, she's so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home. I love you honey, but eat a potato chip every now and then.
Listen, I’m fat because I eat pie and think I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. I could stand to be a little healthier in my habits. But I know we would all be a little happier if at least one meal a week tasted good enough to be bad for you.
Speaking of bad for you… These nuanced presidential press conferences about ISIS have got to stop. No one wants to hear that we are going to systematically degrade ISIS and ultimately defeat them. Tell us that we will wipe their sorry asses from the face of the earth and then go back into the oval office and work with your generals to begin the systematic degrading. Mr. President, you are too smart for your own good. This is America. You need to add a little bacon to your green beans. They’re less hard to swallow that way.
And speaking of hard to swallow, Texas politics is full of more wind than a corn-eating horse. I’m speaking, of course, about the latest television commercial from Greg Abbott, or as I like to call him – that guy in the wheelchair. And I know what everyone is saying now: How insensitive.
Really? That’s what you say to the fat old lady in a wheelchair? At least I’m not using my disability to garner votes. When you watch that ad, it’s kind of hard not to see him as the guy in the wheelchair. But hey, whatever works. Right?
Although, here is what the ad doesn’t tell you:When Abbott was still in law school, he was jogging through a wealthy neighborhood in Houston and an oak tree just fell right on top of him. I’m not foolin’. It was a freak accident that put him in a wheelchair for life. Tragic. Just tragic. Now, Greg did what lots of folks would do: He sued the homeowner… and a tree company. In addition to claiming medical expenses the lawsuit included non-economic damages including mental anguish and physical impairment, as well as the reduced capacity to work. His settlement which still gives him monthly payments, amounted to more than $10 million, tax-free. Well I say, good for him. I’ve got no problem with using the courts to right a wrong. Of course, Greg seems to have changed his mind now that his day in court is over. He’s built a career on making it harder for other Texans to sue their wealthy neighbors as he had done.
As a justice on the Texas Supreme Court, Greg supported limiting non-economic damages such as mental anguish. He helped pass laws that limit the amount others can now sue for. As Texas Attorney General, that jackass even tried to strike down the portion of the Americans with Disabilities Act requiring equal access to public buildings. When questioned, he told reporters, “Because I filed a claim of my own, should I forever be foreclosed from criticizing frivolous and abusive lawsuits?” This from the guy who has sued the federal government 27 times – 20 since Obama has been in office.
What’s good for the goose, is not good for the gander on Greg’s farm. In today’s Texas, Greg would be the much less wealthy guy in the wheelchair – probably suffering from the mental anguish of having been cut down in his prime with no avenue to make it right. That’s politics for you: Full of assholes in and out of wheelchairs.
So to let off a little steam, here is a recipe for some food that might not be good for you, but will sure as hell make you feel better:
Take an eggplant, peel it and cut it lengthwise into thin slices – thin enough to roll up. Dip each slice in some buttermilk and then dredge it through some flour. Shake off the excess flour and then sprinkle with some salt and pepper. Make up a batch of goat cheese mixed with some roasted garlic, oregano and basil (or cilantro). Don't worry about quantities. Your mouth is there for tasting. Add your favorite spices as you desire. Measuring spoons are pointless unless you are baking. Drop a spoonful of the cheese mixture on one end of each slice of eggplant. Roll it up so the cheese mixture ends up in the middle of your roll. Heat up some vegetable oil (or better yet, bacon grease) in a heavy frying pan. Fry the eggplant rolls until they are golden brown all over. Top it off with your favorite tomato sauce – I make mine from scratch but a jar will work too.
Now, turn off the TV. Pour yourself a glass of wine and if you didn’t take my advice about the bacon grease you can call yourself a vegetarian. Oh… and if you happen to live in the great state of Texas, come November, vote for Wendy Davis. I mean it. Really.
FROM MARGARET:Helen, dear, the only thing that could improve your little eggplant recipe would be to follow it up with a great big slice of pie. Any kind will do. Life is full of questions and pie is always the correct answer. PIE NOW, PAY LATER!
