Puns, Puns, Puns Everyone Loves Puns

Puns
can make you laugh, puns can make you think and puns can make you
groan... Here's a few puns I've gathered from the Internet. I
hope they can make you laugh, think and groan up a storm.
thinkingblue

Alfred Hitchcock on puns
interviewed by Dick Cavett in 1972

I thought I saw an eye doctor on
an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from
algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll
still be stationery.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in
France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to
a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he
was, a nurse said 'No change yet.'

The man who survived mustard gas and pepper
spray is now a seasoned veteran. When cannibals ate a missionary,
they got a taste of religion.

Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe
sects

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Visual Pun

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If a person
spouts bad puns all day long, what should happen to him.

He should get
Capital Pun...ishment!

A pun, or
paronomasia, is a form of word play that deliberately exploits an
ambiguity between similar-sounding words for humorous or
rhetorical effect. Such ambiguity may arise from the intentional
misuse of homophonical, homographical, homonymic, polysemic,
metonymic, or metaphorical language.



By definition, puns must be deliberate; an involuntary
substitution of similar words is called a malapropism.



Samuel Johnson disparagingly referred to punning as "the
lowest form of humour". Punning has been used by writers
such as Alexander Pope, James Joyce, Vladimir Nabokov, William
Shakespeare (who is estimated to have used over 3,000 puns in his
plays), John Donne, and Lewis Carroll. MORE HERE



"A good pun may be admitted among the smaller excellencies
of lively conversation."

**James Boswell**

"Hanging is too good for a
man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted."
— Fred Allen

(Quoted: pun on "quartered", an old form of capital
punishment.)

"Immanuel doesn't pun; he
Kant." — Oscar Wilde

(Kant: play on "can't", in the name of philosopher
Immanuel Kant)

"A man sent a list of ten
puns to a friend, hoping at least one would make him laugh.

No pun in ten did.

(A play on the phrase no pun intended, used after somebody
unintentionally makes a pun.)